Slacker. I just realized it's been over 3 years since updating my Match.com profile. As a 33 year old man who's spent the majority of the last 10 years being single, you get used to being lonely. I've sampled a few different flavors, and taken a few test drives, been in love, and in hate. And I've come to the realization that women are godly creatures, confusing, and worthy of praise as long as you find the right deity. The right description of myself should be guaranteed to increase wetness for some Divine being. Here's my renovated biography:
Columbus.craigslist.org>For Sale>Free
"Don't wait, act now, this amazing offer won't last long. Up for grabs is one slightly used, but broken in old soul. This innocent looking baby face is a masterful disguise for the high mileage, and daily wear and tear on these aged bones. I am weakened at the bends, but not yet broken. Most of my time is spent between perfecting my functioning alcoholism, avid masturbation, and moonlighting as a nudist superhero. I have a snaggletooth, sometimes sleep wearing slippers, and love animals. I am circumcised, skilled with nunchucks, and a generous lover. I am honest, almost to a fault. I have an affinity for short haired brunettes, and a magnetism to those, lightly "touched" by hysteria. I am currently working on a genetic code to shrink humans by 97% to breed a master race of seahorse jockeys, and on a rainy Saturday afternoon it would not be unlikely to find me picketing alongside amputees against the discrimination of the Hokey Pokey. If you feel like you could keep up on this roller coaster to greatness, find me on facebook, I'd love to have a partner in crime."
Does this narrative make me sound too picky?
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