The side effects of paint fumes.

Creative Writing Class Assignment #3 - Why do you want to write? And flesh out a dialogue about your topic.

Also, stay tuned for the next episode of "The side effects of paint fumes by Brandon" where I'll explore different perspectives, by writing in first person about a medium sized boy lost in a newly formed jungle, titled "No Shave November : Below the Belt"

1. I want to write ________ because ________.

- I want to write a novel because I love to entertain.
- I want to write my story because I need to get it out of me.
- I want to write humorous creative nonfiction about a version of myself because sometimes I feel like a sidekick character in someone else's biography.
- I want to write something that makes people take sick days from work because they can't wait to finish it.

2. I'm going to write a ________ about ________.

- I'm going to write a novel about the prosperity and perils of mental health problems (in a satirical, self deprecating way, because self deprecating is the best deprecating).

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Dialogue with an Overdue Library Book


Characters
Book - "Write Your Novel in a Month"
Me - Me




Book - "Hey... Hey! Up here! Dude, can you please move Barry Greensteins face off my back for a few days?"

Me - "Wait... is that... how...??"

Book - "Do you see anyone else in here genius?"

Me - "I... I think I took my crazy pills this morning. My books are talking to me? Okay, deep breaths, you're just imagining..."

Book - "Listen, while you're having your mini crisis can you mash that George Petty Pin Up's book on my face for a bit? That cover sketch sends a shiver down my stiff, glued spine."

Me - "So, I've had you from the library for almost a year now, only opened you a few times, and you're just now deciding to speak to me, to ask me to move you on my shelf? Don't you want to be returned to the library or something?Isn't that, like, your home?"

Book - "Yea, I can't look you in the eye anymore man. I've seen some 'thangs sitting up here behind you on the shelf. To be honest, back in the book jail, you were the first person to take me out for a conjugal visit in a while, and I wanna get to know those hunnies up on the top shelf. And for the love of Christ will you please take this greasy Arbys receipt you're using as a bookmark out of me! Plus, you do see the irony in this right? Writing about a conversation you're having with an overdue library book that's about writing a book in a month? "

Me - "Hold on, so you can speak, hear me, and SEE me? And did we just break the fourth wall, in writing? Did we just invent a thing? Or is there some kind of Shakespearean meta-literary phrase for it?"

Book - "Nah man, I was just messing with you. We don't have eyes on you. I mean, it's not hard to discern what'd happening down there from the noises, but we can only hear you and imagine. Haven't talked with any Shakespeare. I'm usually in a different section of shelves."

Me - "We? So, all of you have always been able to hear me, and communicate.. forever?"

Book - "Yup. Well, that Einstein biography up there has such a heavy German accent on his English it's barely understandable, so who knows what he's seen. And the Marilyn Manson autobiography says some creepy shit, so we all avoid conversations with him. That Sublime guitar tablature says it's been with you since you were a teenager. He has some craaazy stories. Seriously brother, I've been around some pretty raunchy fiction, but you're a freak!"

Book#2 (Huck Finn) - "Yeaaaaa **racial slur**"

Me - "Wow, did he just say what I think he said? That was a hard 'e r'"

Book - "Yea, you really should trade him in for the watered down revised versions they're reading in high schools now."

Me - "There's a logical explanation for this. Just gimme a second to process... I'm trying to understand the science of how this is possible. You're paper, and ink, and some plastic lamination, how.."

Book - "Hey man, I don't know. You're the one taking crazy pills."